Saturday, September 17, 2016

Lessons Learned But NOT Taught!

A co-worker asked, “Why are children so mean and rude?” You see I am a teacher of the wee little ones. Anyway, I had to tell the co-worker all children are not born that way. Children come into this world innocent, a clean slate, open to love and kindness.

            I went on to explain, there are these lessons that are not taught in the conventional way, as with a teacher before a group. But learned just the same. These lessons shape and mold the adults, children become. Lessons instilled by the environments and those who nurture and care for the child. Sometimes the lessons are instilled on purpose, other times these are lessons taught without a realization of what has been done.

            Daily, I greet my students and their parents with a cheerful, “Good Morning” making sure to call the child by name as well as address the parent. Many times I am met with a cheerful response. However, there are those moments when the parent refuses to speak, no response at all while their little one is looking them right in the face. They look at me I smile and send forth the greeting again to both as if I felt they did not hear me. The parent engages the child in a dialogue of good bye and then leaves the room, without any acknowledgement of the teacher.

            As the parent is leaving I again greet the child, who sometimes continues to try to ignore me. I then explain that when someone speaks to you it is rude not to respond. Children do not realize at such a young age what is put into the Universe comes back to you (karma). My class is taught in the traditional way of learning, when someone is speaking to you respond, listen to their words, because at some moment you will need them to listen to yours.

            The sad reality of our society are those lessons which are being learned sometimes without the instructors’ awareness and other times with full knowledge of what is being conveyed. A child referred to an assistant who happen to be a person of color as a monkey. When asked why, the child said that is what my father says. Did dad intend for that thought to be carried in the file drawer of his child’s mind away from the home and then shared?

            Then I look on the internet and see a young White child made up in Black face as his family is figuring out his Halloween costume. Whether being done as a joke or with the malice of racism at the root, lessons are being learned.

            Our young people are like sponges soaking up what they hear, see, and experience. Show them love thy neighbor and they become adults with a caring, and kind spirit. Show them rudeness, and evil and they become hard hearted.

            Gone are the days of that Do as I say, not as I do mentality. Your children are watching not only you but the media you allow them to experience. Parents are the child’s first teachers, what kind of lessons are being taught? They are watching they want to be just like mommy, just like daddy. They sit in my play house with a rectangle block for a phone and a pencil for a cigarette. They tell dolls that they must wait until they get off the phone. They draw pictures of daddy with his favorite drink and when asked what is it they respond, “Hennessey”.

            What lessons are being taught? Well, I will finish with this, “Watch what you say and do, because they are doing YOU!”

Friday, September 2, 2016

White Picket Fence- Nope (Part 2)

            Even looking at my back in the day TV shows they did not show the entire reality. That man/woman relationship at the true raw level. My sisters, my sisters of color are now being taught, you can do anything a man can do. You can be the man of the house. So with all of our strength and attitude some of us have gotten it twisted. Yes, you may be able to perform many of the tasks a man can, but, how about you being the woman and letting the man be the man.

            No longer looking for that white picket fence. I can vacuum my house in jeans and tennis shoes, thank you. But, I am striving to create that happily ever after. I am working towards a relationship where the man is being the man, and me being able to be the woman. Believe me this is a great deal more fun. Me being the man and trying to hold onto my feminism was too much. Now, do not get me wrong this does not mean “in the kitchen, bare-foot, cooking, cleaning, and fetching” what it does mean is balance.

            Our relationship comes second only to God who is first in both of our lives. I realize this package comes with goals to continue to strive towards:

1.      Connection: We pray together. This is the greatest connection coming together first on a spiritual level places God in the center of both of us.

2.      Communication: If the two of you cannot talk about everything now, it will be a struggle. I say do not tell me if you do not want him to know and it is true visa versa. (Oh my the things I know) lol.

3.      Agreement: We agree we can disagree. And if one of us is upset we both speak our part the situation is discussed until both are satisfied that there is nothing more to say on the subject then we let it go. No holding onto ill feelings and bringing it up later.

4.      Moments: We have dedicated moments together. Sorry to the family, sorry to friends our time together is valuable and set! “Oh, sorry I have somewhere to be that day.”

5.      Passion: That connection that gives me the feeling of knowing when he walks into a room. The way he lights up when he sees me or hears my voice. The way we both light up when we talk about each other, or someone talks about us.

6.      Laughter: I am talking about that from the belly, your very gut kind of funny. We find it to be great exercise.

Balance in that me/ him relationship, takes a lot of work and attention. This is not to be taken lightly, nope can’t and shouldn’t let outsiders put their two cents in, the two of you must work together for this relationship to work. 4 times the bible speaks of this very thought: Genesis2:24, Matthew19:5, Mark10:7, and Ephesians5:31. Cherish each other, respect, acknowledge, and communicate. So kick the “white picket fence” to the curb. But strive towards the reality of the “happily ever after”.

Be Blessed!


White Picket Fence - NOPE



to this posting, this article of thought. For me to

 begin with back in my day. However, the reality is that when I was a young child the media was not as harsh as they are now. TV programs portrayed the “ideal” life as being in a two parent home living in suburbia. Dad went to work, mom stayed home sent the children off to school with a home-prepared lunch. She vacuumed the house while wearing a dress, heel, and pearls. By the way did I also mention the families were of Caucasian heritage? They had a house with a white picket fence and lived in a lovely quiet neighborhood.

            We were read stories of charming men who would come and sweep you off your feet and take care of you for the rest of your life, “happily ever after”. Yes, little girl this will be your life. I bought what they were selling, yes the entire package. Problem, I was not white, wasn’t going to be white, couldn’t turn white. Nope wasn’t going to happen. It was embedded in me thought that would be my life.

            Finally, the media presented the Evans family, a family happy but struggling. So little black girl identify with them. Nope, I wanted the other package. Then came the Jefferson, and the Huxtable families living a good life…hmmm momma Huxtable worked? O.k. still a good life, I still wanted the first package though, but now with a bit of the Huxtables thrown into the mix.

            Would this be my reality, no.  My journey to the white picket fence would first take me to an abusive marriage, which took a miracle from God to get me out. Had to return that package definitely wasn’t what was advertised. Then my journey took me to a place so close to the original package (short of being white) I was spitting rainbows. Two beautiful children. I was blessed to be able to stay home with them until the youngest was four. I made lunch, I even peeled and cut up grapes so my babies would not choke. No white picket fence around the house, but it was good. Then reality showed up and WOW!

The children grew up, and it was about to be just me and him, that’s right just him and me. We use to laugh and have fun, I remember that part. But, what was it we would do. No more children’s schedules, just me and him yeah that part him and me. We couldn’t remember that part. Could not get back to that part……

            So here I am as I have been for the last seven years, of which a few of those years my mantra was “this is not where I am supposed to be in my life now”.

Single,  where is my freakin’ package? Along, the way through therapy and a great deal of self-reflection reality has done a number on me. A preacher I greatly admire recently said, “we are feeding each other a lot of junk food theory” (a bit paraphrased). We are sugar coating a great deal of information, valuable information which has been changed to suit the needs of some. In my opinion this sugar coating has hurt and is hurting all.